“It is so challenging to be still, and yet a quiet mind is essential to any kind of real creative growth. There is a loud frantic quality to our busy minds that masks the subtlety of the information that wants to come through. Spending time in silence is a deeply creative thing to do as it allows wholeness to speak instead of just our fragmented mental chatter. Silence allows something creative to emerge from our soul.
When we are developing our inner stillness, we might first feel emptiness instead of fullness. Often the absence of thought feels difficult to bear at first. We can be addicted to the busyness of our mind as it feels more familiar than the arising of our creative intuition. When we get quiet enough, our soul may start to ask us to grow in ways that feel uncomfortable to our ego. Stepping into higher growth can often incite great inner conflict. Our soul wants to grow. Our ego wants to stay the same.
In the silence, we will get ideas about how we need to grow to live into our best life. As we begin to follow our higher directives, our “younger” and more frightened parts of self often begin to rebel. Our ego is designed to be a denial system to anything that feels emotionally uncomfortable. When we begin to follow our higher directives we will go through a time of inner battle between psyche and soul. Often an ancient need, a sadness, or an unbearable feeling of loss will arise to be seen, felt and moved through before we can live the higher quality that our soul is beckoning us to.” – Shelley Klammer
Dear Friends
This excerpt is from an email newsletter by Shelley Klammer, an artist and counsellor who teaches intuitive art journalling and expressive art. She has been one of my inspiring teachers online.
Through the practice of Soulpainting, meditation, and my journey with Kahuna Bodywork, I have come to realise and really appreciate the benefit of Silence.
In our busy world, we are often afraid to face ourselves in silence, because of what may arise. We get addicted to the busyness of our minds and our lives, and forget that it is in the silence that we really connect with ourselves, our dreams, our desires, and our needs that maybe are not being met. Being still and quiet, could mean that we would find out what we are missing in our lives, and that would mean change and effort, and that could be scary and all too daunting. So we avoid the silence to avoid the pain.
In my own experience, it is only by going into the pain of my fear, or my shame or my guilt or my heartache or loneliness, that I move through it to another place that is lighter and happier and not so dark. When I try to resist all this ‘heavy’ stuff, it sits there, and it makes me ill…. my body starts to tell me there is something to be looked at. Five years ago, it was my feet and my hips, telling me to ‘move forward’. I was very stuck in a deep depression, knowing that I had to make changes, and I had to move on, but it felt too scary, so I continued to stay in the place I was in. But knowing that I needed to move on from where I was, and knowing what was causing the pain in my feet and my hips, was a starting point. Many Kinesiology balances around this issue slowly shifted my subconscious mind and opened up something inside me, perhaps my life force that had been depleted, until I was ready to make a change. The courage to make the change came when my depression was “squeezed out of me” ( or so it felt) in a Kahuna massage. That sluggish, low, sad energy was wrung out of me, and I could finally take the step to change. But it wasn’t all easy and smooth. By taking baby steps, by staying connected to my inner voice of courage and truth, having many more Kinesiology sessions and Kahuna massages, and by asking for help from supportive friends and leaning on them, I was able to move forward.
I realised then that we don’t have to do everything on our own. We have been encouraged in our society to believe that we must be ‘strong” and be able to ‘go it alone” in order to be worthy and to be seen to be successful. But if that were the case, then why do we have a need to be connected to others? Why do we have and want the company of others? Why would we have children or partners or social lives? We are social beings and we need connection with others to be fully human. .. and to live as , what Brene Brown calls, “wholehearted people”.
Brene Brown writes in her book ” The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are”:
“As a matter of fact, we are wired for connection. It’s in our biology. From the time we are born, we need connection to thrive emotionally, physically, spiritually, and intellectually. A decade ago, the idea that we’re “wired for connection” might have been perceived as touchy-feely or New Age. Today, we know that the need for connection is more than a feeling or a hunch. It’s hard science. Neuroscience, to be exact. In his book Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships, Daniel Goleman explores how the latest findings in biology and neuroscience confirm that we are hardwired for connection and that our relationships shape our biology as well as our experiences. Goleman writes, “Even our most routine encounters act as regulators in the brain, priming our emotions, some desirable, others not. The more strongly connected we are with someone emotionally, the greater the mutual force.” It’s amazing—yet perhaps not surprising—that the connectedness we experience in our relationships impacts the way our brain develops and performs. Our innate need for connection makes the consequences of disconnection that much more real and dangerous. Sometimes we only think we’re connected. Technology, for instance, has become a kind of imposter for connection, making us believe we’re connected when we’re really not—at least not in the ways we need to be. In our technology-crazed world, we’ve confused being communicative with feeling connected. Just because we’re plugged in, doesn’t mean we feel seen and heard. In fact, hyper-communication can mean we spend more time on Facebook than we do face-to-face with the people we care about. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve walked into a restaurant and seen two parents on their cell phones while their kids are busy texting or playing video games. What’s the point of even sitting together? As we think about the definition of connection and how easy it is to mistake technology for connecting, we also need to consider letting go of the myth of self-sufficiency. One of the greatest barriers to connection is the cultural importance we place on “going it alone.” Somehow we’ve come to equate success with not needing anyone. Many of us are willing to extend a helping hand, but we’re very reluctant to reach out for help when we need it ourselves. It’s as if we’ve divided the world into “those who offer help” and “those who need help.” The truth is that we are both. I’ve learned so much about giving and receiving from the men and women who are engaged in Wholehearted living but nothing more important than this: Until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help.”
In being able to RECEIVE wholeheartedly, we are better able to give. Think about how good you feel, when someone receives a gift from you with a genuine smile and appreciation. So, when you receive a gift from someone else, you make them feel good for giving. I have been a big “giver” in my life… to the point of depleting my energy completely. Life is teaching me more and more about gift that comes from receiving… as strange as it may sound, how I am actually giving when I receive. A delicate balance.
So if you are feeling depleted because you feel you are ‘giving out’ too much (money, energy, love, time, resources of any kind), then give yourself time to be in silence for a while. ( a few minutes… a day,…. a few days…. ) to work out what it is you need to receive to replenish yourself, and become more ‘wholehearted”. Ask yourself the question “Where in my life can I receive a little more? Where do I need to ask for help?”
If you need a little help, find places where you can dip into silence, and let things be sorted out for you in gentle, creative ways. Spaces to take time out for you to replenish yourself – with lightness, gentleness and ease.
Cedar Sanctuary, where I offer Kahuna Bodywork and SoulDancing, and where I will be hosting SoulPainting retreats in future, is a space like this.