What is “Self-Love” Really All About?

Over the holidays, I had some insights into self-love and what it’s really all about.

The theme around Christmas time is about giving.  Giving out to others – to those we love, to those who are in need, to places who help those in need – and most of my family, friends and clients are very good at doing this kind of giving.

We are not well practiced in the art of receiving, though.  And we are not that good at practicing self-love either.

It’s often said that you “need to fill your well before you can give out to others”.  But what does it really mean to ‘fill your well’.

On the surface, it’s different for everyone. I know that I need a LOT of quiet time to myself. Some people need to spend time with friends or loved ones. Others like to cook, or be creative, or go for a massage. (Of course, I recommend a Kahuna Bodywork session )

All these things are good for us, and nurture us to a degree. But what I’ve learned, is that we need to really love ourselves profoundly in order to fill up so that we can give more.

Going for a massage is a good start to loving yourself, but how you think about yourself will have a greater impact on your life, your energy and your world.

Consider these questions: What kind of thoughts do you have about yourself every day? Are you as kind to yourself as you are to your friends or children? Do you treat yourself with deep respect, especially when you have made a mistake, or do you internally shout at yourself for being an idiot? How do you speak to yourself? What unconscious little barbs are in your mind that you are unaware of that dig into you each day?

It’s the habitual negative self-talk that breaks us down over a lifetime, and can cause more ill health than anything else, I believe. If you can catch yourself  ‘shitting on yourself’, and start to talk with love and respect and gentleness to the inner you, then magic happens.

I have done this. During the past seven years, I’ve been through a lot of stressful life events.  Three years ago, after losing my relationship and my job in one month,  I made a very conscious decision to love myself fiercely, to be gentle with myself and be true to myself. This changed everything for me. I felt more whole and healthy than ever.  And within three months, I met a wonderful man, who I am now married to. In 2017, I manifested a trip to Hawaii , the home of Kahuna massage,  and in the next few months, my husband and I will be moving away from South Africa to the States. A dream I’ve had for the past twelve years. In the past three years, my Kahuna massage practice has grown, I’ve finally had the energy resources to facilitate Kahuna massage trainings and I’ve completed some wonderful art commissions.

By loving myself deeply and profoundly, and often putting my own need for rest before the needs of others when I felt depleted, I created more love and abundance in my world. I created a sense of calm and wholeness in my soul, so that these amazing dreams could become reality.  And I created more energy than I’ve ever had in my life, to step out into the world and take part in what life has to offer, as well as energy to give to my family, friends, loved ones and my massage clients.  I had the best Christmas period this year, because I chose to give myself an hour of stretching and meditation each day before moving into my day. It was a tonic for my body and soul, and gave me the energy needed to glide relatively effortlessly through the Christmas chaos.

My father, who was a devout Catholic man, died in 2005.  He always said “God is Love”. I never really understood the magnitude of those three words until now.  It doesn’t matter if you believe in God or not. What matters is that you can sense the importance and effect of a Big Fat Universal Love in yourself, in your world, and all around you. I guess this is what the Hawaiians call Aloha and Mana. It’s a tangible energy of expansion, lightness, true joy, and deep connection to something deep inside ourselves and around us that feels magical, bigger than us, and gives us energy and vitality for living. In Nia, the dance practice that I taught for seven years, we called it “Universal Joy”. It is not an emotion, but rather a sensation of tingling energy that makes you get out of bed in the morning, happy to be alive.

If each of us got up feeling full of love for ourselves each day, imagine how much love we could put out into the world. We would bring healing to ourselves and to each person we met in our day.  I imagine the world would be a different place. (Maybe John Lennon was right!)

I believe we all need to fill up on profound Self-Love, so that we can give (and receive) more. I have two daughters, four nieces and two young nephews who I want to grow up loving themselves profoundly, and how can I teach them to do this, if I don’t model it for them myself?

So what will you do in 2018 to start loving yourself more deeply?

How will you think about yourself?

Could you look in the mirror each day and say aloud to your self “I love you” , and really feel it? No matter what raging thoughts might emerge from your mind? (Ignore them and continue)

What one thing can you do each day for yourself that tells your body you love it? ( I do daily stretches for 20 minutes each morning, to get my energy flowing and to work out the stiffness in my joints)

Can you say no to others demands on you, when you are feeling low on energy, and do something that fills you up instead?

Let me know what other suggestions you come up with. Add your comments below.

I wish you BIG LOVE for 2018.  May it change you, and change the world around you.

Warm aloha blessings,

Brenda

 

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