“It is so challenging to be still, and yet a quiet mind is essential to any kind of real creative growth. There is a loud frantic quality to our busy minds that masks the subtlety of the information that wants to come through. Spending time in silence is a deeply creative thing to do as it allows wholeness to speak instead of just our fragmented mental chatter. Silence allows something creative to emerge from our soul.” – Shelley Klammer
I believe that giving wholeheartedly is a creative act that requires us to give out from a cup that is full, not half-empty. It’s hard to receive fully from someone who has little to give.
It’s the season of giving – and giving… and giving….
There is truth in the belief that ‘in giving you shall receive.’
Giving is a wonderful thing, make no mistake.
But how good are you at receiving? It’s all about the balance.
Receiving can be challenging for those who are very good at giving. I’ve seen this in myself, colleagues, friends and clients so often.
It’s a certain kind of person that wants to give of themselves wholeheartedly, and that is great.
But sometimes we end up giving our all for everything and everyone, and then we grow exhausted, resentful and possibly burnt out because we have not filled up our own cup.
Do you know that feeling?
This time of year often demands so much outward-going energy towards others – lots of talking, making contact, reaching out – lots of giving.
If you’re a ‘giver’ like me, you know how depleted you can feel when you have everybody else’s concerns in the top of your mind, and no space for your own thoughts.
Giving out without replenishing your internal resources can leave you feeling empty and make you snappy and crabby – especially with loved ones at a time when there’s the expectation to be ‘happy and merry’.
To give out wholeheartedly, we must remember to give inwards to ourselves too, in ways that feed our soul.
I believe that silence and stillness is one of the best ways to give back energy to ourselves.
But when our minds are so busy, how do we get to place of wholehearted stillness? And why would we want to?
In our busy world, we are often afraid to face ourselves in silence, because of what may arise. We get addicted to the busyness of our minds and our lives, and forget that it is in the silence that we really connect with ourselves, our dreams, our desires, and our needs. It is also the place where we see the pain we might be avoiding – we might feel our sadness or grief. Being still and quiet, could mean that we would find out what we are missing in our lives, or where we need to change, and that could be scary and all too daunting. So we avoid the silence to avoid the pain.
But research into trauma-related therapies has proven that it is only by being with our fear, or our shame or our guilt or our heartache or loneliness or grief, that we move through it to another place that is lighter and happier and not so hard to bear. As they say, ‘there is no way out but through.’
Through the practice of intuitive creativity (InFlowPainting and doodling), therapeutic dance, and my journey with Lomi (Kahuna) Massage, I have come to appreciate and understand the benefits of silence as a way to get back to knowing myself better. As Rumi the Sufi poet said ” Silence has answers”.
But to feel more whole, I also had to learn about the power of receiving.
Giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin.
When you allow yourself to receive, you are giving someone else the opportunity to experience the joy of giving.
Have you ever noticed that the body’s action of giving is the same as it is for receiving? Look at the hand in the image below. Can you tell whether this person is giving or receiving the berries? It could go either way. It follows the same action.
So if you are feeling depleted because you feel you are ‘giving out’ too much then give yourself time to be in silence for a while ( a few minutes… an hour,…. a day….. a few days…. ) to work out what it is you need to receive to replenish yourself, and become more ‘wholehearted”.
Ask yourself “When can I give myself time for stillness? Where in my life can I receive a little more?”
If you need a little help, find places where you can dip into silence, and let things be sorted out for you by your own wise inner self in gentle, creative ways. Make space and time to connect to yourself in silence – with lightness, gentleness and ease. Mark it in your calendar and stick to it.
Getting to a place of silence and stillness can be tricky with our busy minds in control, and sometimes movement helps us to offload the busy-ness en route to the silence.
Here are my best suggestions for finding silence:
- A massage/ bodywork space where you can be silent (no talking), and are encouraged by music and touch to drop into the zone where your brain makes space for new ideas to arise, or for solutions to show up, a space where your mind can seek rest and your body can release the tension that it’s holding.
- Getting creative with your hands is another proven way to make space for your mind to wander and get quiet – that could be gardening, making art, crafting, sewing or making a splendid meal. Just let it be without music or podcasts and see where your mind goes.
- Connection to nature – sitting at the water, walking in the forest, digging in the garden, going for a run.
And as always – remember to breathe.
Give yourself the gift of silence so that you can be a more wholehearted giver.
Wishing you a peaceful holiday season filled with love – and a little silence.
Warm love,
Read a more in-depth blog about this subject that I wrote in October 2019 here.